Why do people fear being left out?

Sometimes scared, sometimes left out - a life in extremes

Fear and insecurity are the predominant feelings of many mentally disabled people. They do not trust themselves to do simple things, do not want to walk through the puddle, are afraid of black ice in summer or refuse to use the stairs because they are afraid of the height.

Things that we do with the “left” mean for them the greatest tension and excitement, which discharge in more or less violent eruptions with irritable mood and abuse, occasionally even violence against things and people. In these moments the disabled person loses his ego - steps outside himself - is no longer himself - himself.

Life got out of hand for a moment.

Many are obsessively ruled by thoughts that they are actually afraid of.

They need an auxiliary ego to assert themselves, to express their wishes, to suppress these thoughts. The helping ego are parents, instructors, carers. This function can easily be misused as it gives power over people who, although they have a good sense of injustice, are too weak to say openly what moves them. They choose detours and send out claused messages. They are easy to manipulate, seem to enjoy the role of the victim, only to suddenly turn the tables and land a direct hit.

Fun - joy and exuberance are very close to the opposite. Many disabled people quickly move from one extreme to the next. They are extremely sensitive to the atmosphere in the living group, to the mood of the supervisor. It is surprising what and how exactly they observe and perceive, sometimes even know things that they cannot yet know.

Then again they spread absurd stories that they have put together themselves, far from reality, following their own world. Rumors, intrigues, competitive situations arise, people marry who do not even know each other, relationships break up without those affected knowing about it. Statements and insults are rumored which, at least in the radical certainty presented, never existed.

The mentally handicapped are a reflection of society, to which they on the other hand hold up a mirror in an amusing way. They are never only insidious, but always the opposite, they do not want to destroy the other, even if they destroy him.

Some know brilliantly how to play off the supervisors against each other, to ensnare those present and to insult the colleague whom the colleague cannot stand on duty. There is talk, lies, and harassment. Outsiders cannot tell whether they are experiencing how much a handicap can block their view of reality or whether they are being tricked.

In the long run, the maneuvers are transparent, the actors do not keep up the role, break in, apologize profusely, even cry, which is part of the theater, but also part of the underdeveloped sense of self-worth.

When others argue, they suffer as if they were part of the argument. They cannot stand the atmosphere poisoned by the argument. As an outsider, they feel this even more than if they were involved themselves.

Their constant fear and insecurity generate physical reactions such as sweating, vomiting, eating or sleeping disorders, which are often not taken seriously enough and can therefore damage health in the long term.

Most mentally disabled people in no way meet the criteria by which performance and success are measured in our society. They are idiosyncratic, underperforming, contradicting and rarely aesthetic.

Their idiosyncrasy has little value, too little to be successful with. On the other hand, they do not correspond to the conformist, uniformed people who have thrown every peculiarity overboard in the interests of a minimal career. They refuse the tyranny of conformity, remain unmistakable originals.

Outsiders, even parents and carers, often do not understand them, since they are only observers who lack experience as subjects of intellectual disabilities. Therefore, there is a risk of making them an object again and again.

Mentally handicapped people live in their own reality that carers can only partially grasp. Listening, observing, building trust - these are ways to perhaps understand them better.

They create an order with its own value. The given order is not their order.

They do not correspond to the current zeitgeist, which makes the rationally required integration in its emotional and moral dimension extremely difficult.

Integration and equal treatment for disabled people have been legally achieved and enshrined in law, but disabled people are more sidelined than ever in everyday life. They are still classified as "sick". The handicap is considered a defect, not an enrichment. You will be regretted, but not taken fully. They have the same rights as the others, but morally they are subordinate to them, are several levels lower. They are no longer called “idiot” but rather mildly “mentally handicapped”, but that doesn't mean they are fully fledged members of society. There is a long way to go before real integration and we are currently going back a little rather than going forward.

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