Could people develop beyond emotions

Emotional maturity: What makes emotionally stable people stand out

Emotional maturity and stability have little to do with biological age. Rather, behind it is a solid personality development, a grounded character, emotional intelligence, a strong self-confidence, self-reflection, self-control and self-love as well as a good portion of life experience. How we react (emotionally) to something or someone is less a matter of the trigger than of us. Some people get out of it quickly inner balance, loses nerve and composure even with a little stress, others have their emotions fully under control and are just that: emotionally stable. But what exactly does emotional stability mean and how does this maturity differ in behavior?

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

➠ Content: This is what awaits you

Emotional maturity and stability: 9 differences

Of Anthony de Mello there is the clever bon mot:

Maturity is what I achieve when I no longer need to judge or blame anyone for the things that happen to me.

Emotionally mature people do not take themselves so seriously, but are even less dependent on the judgment of others. Emotional maturity and stability therefore have a lot in common with mental strength.

Getting there is not easy, however. It stays a intellectual show of strengthwho needs a lot of will and perseverance. But also plenty of honesty with yourself.

To start with the latter, let's show you - without many words - first nine central characteristics of emotionally mature people

Emotional instability and emotional stability: what is it?

The personality of every person is individually different. In psychology, however, there has been a model for a long time that deals with the five main dimensions of human personality dealt with - the so-called Big Five of Personality Traits. This also reflects the emotional instability:

  • Neuroticism (emotional lability)
  • Extraversion
  • Openness to new experiences
  • compatibility
  • conscientiousness

Each person is characterized by different degrees of expression of the respective dimensions. This is how the individual character is created.

But then what exactly is emotional stability?

  • Emotionally unstable people have a tendency towards nervousness, inner restlessness, volatility and dissatisfaction. You can quickly switch between their feelings. Therefore, they usually have an emotional, vulnerable and unpredictable effect on their environment.
  • On the other hand are emotionally stable usually calm, level-headed and self-confident. That doesn't mean they don't have feelings. But they are better able to filter, analyze and control their emotions.

How you can recognize emotionally stable people

The different Expressions of the personalities, especially the Differences between emotional stability and instability, act on the environment through behavior.

Similar to extraversion and intraversion, the respective degree of emotional stability in our counterpart can often be determined quickly. As different as the personalities are - they are just as similar Characteristics and behaviors some guys in certain situations.

This can be recognized, for example, from these 9 behavior patterns that emotionally stable ones would never do:

  1. Take the behavior of others personally.

    Emotional stability brings with it the self-confidence not to take personally everything that others do or say. It is an important realization that the world is not just about you. Your worth does not depend on how others behave towards you. Many are just too busy with their own worries and problems. A careless word or a lack of attention is in most cases not a personal attack, but the result of the problems of your counterpart.

  2. Engage in petty discussions.

    It is not a sign of emotional (and mental) stability and strength to get involved in every little battle of words. On the contrary: It requires a significantly higher degree of self-confidence to be able to avoid a discussion if the person you are talking to throws around baseless accusations or rude accusations. Emotionally stable people manage to turn away without giving in to the urge to justify themselves and thus to put themselves on the same level as the complainer.

  3. Put the focus on the past.

    Controlling your own emotions also means dealing with them in the here and now. This applies to positive emotions as well as to frustration, sadness or fear. Those who suppress these feelings instead of processing them will hardly be able to cope with similar situations and will be emotionally corrupted every time. After a termination, for example, it is necessary to process the frustration and grief. Otherwise those affected will be haunted by the fear of losing their job again in every subsequent job.

  4. Oppose change.

    Change always brings with it uncertainty. After all, in most cases the result is difficult to predict. Do I feel comfortable in my new job? Is it worth moving to another city? Should I do a master's after my bachelor's degree? Even if not every change is perceived as positive at first, it can contain enormous opportunities. So instead of clinging to their comfort zone, emotionally stable people look for new opportunities and see possible improvements in every (involuntary) change.

  5. Let pessimism take control.

    Sometimes you just feel like everything is going wrong. But no one can avoid setbacks. The fact that the implementation of an idea does not work does not mean that every project will fail in the future. A strong sign of emotional stability is therefore also to believe in yourself and your own goals in difficult times.

  6. Reacting carelessly instead of acting rationally.

    Emotionally unstable people let themselves be carried away by their emotions to something that they may later regret. In a discussion, for example, a common reaction is to get loud and attack your tone when you feel attacked. But if you have your emotions under control, you can stay calm in a heated debate and convince you with factual arguments.

  7. Hiding mistakes without learning from them.

    Because of uncertainty, fear and the desire to look better than you are, mistakes are often kept secret. Also no sign of emotional maturity or stability. Those who stand by their mistakes, on the other hand, can learn something from them. But if you ignore it, you run the risk of making the same mistake over and over again. Last but not least, someone like that takes no responsibility for their actions.

  8. Always wanting to please everyone.

    The insecurity that goes hand in hand with emotional instability often leads to distorted performance thinking: The attempt is always made to please everyone and to achieve perfection in the process. Emotional strength, on the other hand, shows in the knowledge that you can never please everyone - and that that's not bad either. There will always be someone who has something to complain about in their own person, in their opinion or in their work. So what?!

  9. Sink into self-doubt.

    One of the biggest problems for those affected by lack of self-esteem and emotional instability is feeling like they are not good enough. The self-image is determined by doubts that are brought to the person from the environment. Emotionally stable people, on the other hand, do not accept these doubts, but have confidence in their own strengths and abilities.

Feeling wheel: Again without feeling

The ability to grasp and understand one's own and other people's feelings as well as the ability to deal with these feelings and to be able to react appropriately (so-called emotional intelligence) are essential success factors. Likewise our intuition - our gut feeling.

The above Feeling wheel shows for example like that Intensity of some feelings increases the closer the circle gets.

Understanding that is not unimportant. Because it is also true: Emotions can stand in the way of our success, yes, even us damage, especially if you have the take control and remain unreflected.

In order to conclude the Downside to illuminate, here are a few more Exampleswhen feeling too much can be harmful ...

  • Choose what is popular, not what fits.

    Again and again we have to make decisions in everyday life. Often our feelings then lead us to the more popular option - because everyone else chooses it too, because it is simple and one hardly offends or polarizes with it. The impulsive choice doesn't have to fit us (perfectly) at all. Sometimes it even leads us into the fate of Lemmingen. Or as the saying goes: Only dead fish go with the flow. That is not entirely true either (the mass can also be correct). Still, perceived popularity is a poor guide.

  • Doing what feels good, not what is right.

    What feels good and right doesn't necessarily have to be right (for us). Above all, fears and the notorious comfort zone keep us from growing beyond ourselves. Overcoming fears and leaving comfort zones rarely feels good, but is usually better for us. Especially in the long term.

  • Do what is convenient, not what is necessary.

    Speaking of comfort: comfort is an underrated career killer and is closely related to the points above. Most people fail not because they try, but because they give up too soon. Conversely: Those who commit themselves to their ideas with passion and perseverance (technical jargon: volition) achieve more - and resist the feeling of wanting to collect their wages before the effort.

  • Waiting for something to happen instead of creating the momentum yourself.

    Sure, patience is an important virtue. This sometimes also includes being able to wait and sit out. But in those cases, passivity is a conscious and strategic decision. But there is also an excuse: Then, if we hope that the success will please set itself as if by magic ... Of course it never does, it is a naive wishful thinking. Happiness and success are not a stroke of luck, but an individual attitude, an attitude. And a career doesn't just happen, it is made.

  • Escape as soon as problems arise instead of finding solutions.

    The escape reflex is in each of us. It is a primal instinct - like attack and paralysis. In the wild, all three have their place. Only in everyday working life should we not succumb to feelings. Giving up can sometimes be a sensible option (for example with a job that makes you sick). But if you believe your spontaneous feelings too much, you make yourself the plaything of your mood. We almost always have three response options: love it, change it or leave it (love it, change it or leave it). Every option is part of a solution, and any conscious choice is better than a harmful emotional one.

  • Looking for guilt instead of taking responsibility.

    If something goes wrong in life, in love or at work, then we are quick to analyze and ask ourselves: Why? or Why me? As a rule, the question is used to find guilty parties and to delegate responsibility - to circumstances, other people, fate. Behind this, however, there is a still immature personality, perhaps even a profile neurosis. Strong characters, on the other hand, first take responsibility for themselves and then take responsibility for getting things straight or finding solutions. Such people don't ask Why rather What for. Or as we keep writing: Where there's a will, there's a way; Who does not want something, finds reasons.

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October 25, 2020Author: Jochen Mai

Jochen Mai is the founder and editor-in-chief of the career bible. The author of several books lectures at the TH Köln and is a sought-after keynote speaker, coach and consultant.

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