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When Men Cheat: 10 Truths About What Affair Means In Your Relationship
What is most important to you in a relationship? Almost 90 percent of all people answer this question with "loyalty". And yet 38.9 percent of all women and 39.1 percent of all men cheat.
To cheat on? Infidelity? Often happens in a partnership for reasons you would never have thought of
Why is it that such a large part of us breaks with our own wishes and demands on a relationship? Is the affair a symptom of boredom? Lack of love? How can you tell whether your partner is unfaithful, what drives him to another woman's bed?
We dispel the most popular myths about cheating and give tips:
Fact: Most men cheat in a relationship, ALTHOUGH they love their wife.
It sounds paradoxical, but it is true. In many cases, an affair is not a signal that the love between two people has finally died down. Often the cheating takes place when the couple has moved in together, had children and the romantic love has turned into a partnership. Love is completely intact in many respects, but other aspects are neglected in life. But while women usually loudly express their lack of romance, men suffer from the feeling that they cannot ask what they want from their loved one, rather quietly.
Our tip: Discuss your common wishes, goals and plans more often than the son's last soccer game or the stressful workday.
"The Psychology of Infidelity" for 25 euros.
Fact: Men usually know the woman they cheat with very well.
The fact that the friend who is jumping on the side spontaneously approaches a woman on Facebook or picks up in the bar and gets into the sheets with her is more the exception than the rule. From a statistical point of view, most infidelities occur with people you have known for some time, who are so familiar that you feel that your worries are in good hands and understood (and you can be more certain that they will not be found out so quickly ): The childhood friend. The longtime colleague. In fact, 60 percent of all affairs start in a professional environment.
Our tip: You have to feel more connected to one another than to your colleagues. So don't live side by side, but introduce rituals. For example, by always going to bed at the same time as your partner. Cuddles. Chats. Closeness.
"After the affair: How to cope with the pain, regain self-confidence and make the right decisions" for 16.99 euros.
Fact: Men often cheat to save their love.
Couples therapists have confirmed that men love their wives - but they don't know how to fix relationship problems. So they cheat to fill in those gaps. Men often want EVERYTHING - and are incumbent on the (false) view that another woman can make her unfulfilled longings go away. So that they can then continue to live happily with their own wife.
Fact: Men find their behavior immoral themselves.
All cheaters are immoral creeps? Not quite ... Because according to behavioral research, most men feel incredibly good when they cheat. But that doesn't spare them a guilty conscience afterwards. Note: You have cheated on someone you actually like (see points 1 and 3). Affair is (after all) plagued by the feeling of having failed as a human being.
Fact: Men who cheat suddenly feel like having sex more in their relationship.
An affair often acts like a wake-up call for the libido - your boyfriend suddenly becomes more sexually active again. Since he still feels most secure in his sexuality with his betrayed partner, it can happen that cheaters suddenly show great activity again in the marriage bed.
"Can I ever trust you again ?: How to cope with your partner's affair" for 10 euros.
Fact: women cheat just as often - but for different reasons.
While men primarily seek sexual confirmation of their masculinity during affairs, women often long for emotional satisfaction during an affair, which they miss in the partnership. It is not surprising that women feel cheating on their partner more painfully when feelings are involved. For men, on the other hand, it seems worse when their partner has sex with someone else than when they just fall in love.
Fact: Women mostly suspect when they are being cheated on.
Yes, there is, the female initiation. Even if we are not pathologically jealous, we can feel very quickly when something in the relationship has become unbalanced. After an affair has been exposed, women can usually even state very precisely when their partner has gotten on the wrong track - and even in retrospect knew pretty much from the start which woman it was. You wonder why we don't confront the guy or throw him out, even if one level of us already suspects that he is cheating? Because we cling to the wish that it was just a paranoid suspicion. Because we are not yet ready to face the truth and the pain. Because we pay attention to the well-being of our children or have the vague hope that it might just be a flash in the pan that will go out again and return more to our lives.
"Affair: Why infidelity does not have to lead to separation" for 18 euros.
Fact: If the man is still in the affair, a couple cannot find a solution.
Note: With the "OTHER" he experiences mostly positive feelings. Because stress and reproaches only arise in the course of a relationship. So if you are trying to save your love, then you have to wait until the affair is really over. Because the processing of your problems means renewed stress - which drives him even deeper to where he experiences happiness and satisfaction: In the arms of the rival. Ergo: He has to turn his back on her of his own free will and be ready to face your relationship crisis with you. Otherwise it will be difficult.
Fact: Even if you save your relationship, he will remember the affair wistfully.
Is Infidelity the Kiss of Death for a Relationship? Not always. Sometimes scammers also recognize what they actually have in their girlfriend or wife. In this respect, it can even be an opportunity, because certain habits and characteristics are suddenly valued again. On the other hand, infidelities have also learned in this way that their marriage / love is not as perfect as they once imagined it to be. And how easy it is to break out of the familiar. Unfortunately, the risk that an affair will start again is also relatively high.
Fact: YOU are NOT to blame if your partner cheats on you.
This lesson is incredibly important: if your partner is cheating on you, it's not your fault (no matter what other people say). Because men do not cheat because you are who you are, but BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT what they want to be. The only fault is that signals of a falling asleep relationship have been ignored by both sides.
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