Narcissists are just pedantic

Narcissism: Narcissists only suffer from the abyss

Narcissists live well with their disorder for a long time

16.12.2013

It is not uncommon for people with narcissistic disorders to live long without restrictions. But at some point the personality disorder can severely limit the lives of those affected. Many of those affected take refuge in addictions, experience increasing stress or become lonely because they are no longer bearable for their fellow human beings. But where can narcissists get help if they “always consider themselves the best” because of their disorder, and how can such a mental disorder be recognized?

No feeling of guilt despite an accident caused by fault
The wife asked her husband to slow down a little while they were driving together in the car. The husband then drove even faster. "I won't let anyone tell me how fast or slow I should go," the man thought to himself. Shortly afterwards the vehicle overturned. While the husband was only in shock, his wife was seriously injured. After numerous operations, the patient still suffered from severe pain. In addition, the face was badly disfigured. The husband despaired of the situation. He sought advice from a therapist. When the psychotherapist asks the reason for his request for help, the man says with tears in his eyes: "How do I stand now, with a woman with whom I am now ashamed?"

A lot of self-pity and insults
This short story is an excerpt from Reinhard Haller's new book. The author is a psychotherapist himself and deals with the subject of narcissism. At first glance, those affected are often fascinating. They can inspire other people quickly and take up a lot of space. It is not uncommon for patients to be able to take other things over. But when you get to know each other better, people often experience disappointment. You encounter selfishness and emotional coldness in narcissists. In doing so, they do not show any consideration for others. If you feel offended, keep silent for days or weeks. Self-pity, on the other hand, has no limits.

On the other hand: If there weren't any people who would have acted narcissistically, today's world would most likely look very different. Great inventions or sporting record achievements would not be accomplished. But far fewer people would have committed suicide and are still alive today. Some dictatorships would not have happened and many family tragedies would never have happened. Because people with this disorder look for recognition, power and fame. They do not show any consideration for others. Loss of fellow human beings does not matter.

Outwardly, narcissists seem self-confident, they can and know everything better, and are performance-oriented. They know how to behave and have hobbies that most people would give up on. The so-called “pedantic narcissist” can hardly be assessed. He keeps asking questions, always wanting advice and never taking a risk.

How does a narcissistic disorder come about?
Where does this disorder come from? Gritli Bertram, social pedagogue and therapist from Hanover says: “Narcissistic personality disorder is a so-called early disorder that comes about in the early bond / relationship with the mother. Due to a lack of emotional fit between mother and child, no healthy self could be developed. "

Narcissism and addictions are very similar. Addictions and narcissism begin in society and often end in absolute loneliness. Because many people can hardly stand it on the side of a narcissist. While the addict is craving drugs, the narcissist is addicted to self-affirmation. Which symptoms can laypersons or those affected recognize? Bertram: “Narcissistically disturbed” patients who visit a therapist often have no symptoms that they can specifically name. A feeling of emptiness arises in one. This feeling cannot be filled by great success either. One often feels depressed. Life seems pointless to the person concerned. Again and again he suffers from insults and quickly feels neglected. On the other hand, he often feels great himself or describes his own parents as great. His relationships are constantly falling apart. "

Not curable but soothing
Unfortunately, there is no cure for narcissistic personality disorder. In the course of therapy, however, the ability to criticize and empathy can be worked on. Those affected have to seek specific help. However, most do not seek help until their lives are on the verge of the abyss. Because before that, life was beautiful. (sb)

Image: sokaeiko / pixelio.de

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Important NOTE:
This article is for general guidance only and is not intended to be used for self-diagnosis or self-treatment. He can not substitute a visit at the doctor.